Some people assume that authors write books because we have vivid imaginations and want to share our vision. Other people think we write because we are bursting with stories, and therefore must scribble those stories down in moments of propondenty. Both groups are completely wrong. Authors write books for one and only one reason. Because we like to torture people. Now, actual torture is frowned upon in civilized society. Fortunately, the authorial community has discovered in story telling an even more powerful- and more fulfilling- means of causing agony. We write stories, and by doing so we engage in a perfectly legal way of doing all sorts of terrible things to our readers. Take, for instance, the word I used above. “Propondenty.” There is no such word. I made it up. Why? Because it amused me to think of thousands of readers looking up a nonsense word in their dictionaries. Authors also create wonderful loving characters, then proceed to do terrible things to them. This makes the readers feel hurt and worried for the characters. The simple truth is that authors like making people squirm. If this weren’t the case, all novels would be full of cute bunnies having birthday parties. So now you know why I would write a book. Ask yourself this: would any kindhearted individual become an author? Of course not. So there.